EMDR - Visual Therapy

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. Repeated studies show that by using EMDR therapy people can experience the benefits of psychotherapy that once took years to make a difference. It is widely assumed that severe emotional pain requires a long time to heal. EMDR therapy shows that the mind can in fact heal from psychological trauma much as the body recovers from physical trauma. When you cut your hand, your body works to close the wound. If a foreign object or repeated injury irritates the wound, it festers and causes pain. Once the block is removed, healing resumes. EMDR therapy demonstrates that a similar sequence of events occurs with mental processes. The brain’s information processing system naturally moves toward mental health. If the system is blocked or imbalanced by the impact of a disturbing event, the emotional wound festers and can cause intense suffering. Once the block is removed, healing resumes. Using the detailed protocols and procedures learned in EMDR therapy training sessions, clinicians help clients activate their natural healing processes.

More than 30 positive controlled outcome studies have been done on EMDR therapy. Some of the studies show that 84%-90% of single-trauma victims no longer have post-traumatic stress disorder after only three 90-minute sessions. Another study, funded by the HMO Kaiser Permanente, found that 100% of the single-trauma victims and 77% of multiple trauma victims no longer were diagnosed with PTSD after only six 50-minute sessions. In another study, 77% of combat veterans were free of PTSD in 12 sessions. There has been so much research on EMDR therapy that it is now recognized as an effective form of treatment for trauma and other disturbing experiences by organizations such as the American Psychiatric Association, the World Health Organization and the Department of Defense. Given the worldwide recognition as an effective treatment of trauma, you can easily see how EMDR therapy would be effective in treating the “everyday” memories that are the reason people have low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, and all the myriad problems that bring them in for therapy. Over 100,000 clinicians throughout the world use the therapy. Millions of people have been treated successfully over the past 25 years.

EMDR therapy is an eight-phase treatment. Eye movements (or other bilateral stimulation) are used during one part of the session. After the clinician has determined which memory to target first, he asks the client to hold different aspects of that event or thought in mind and to use his eyes to track the therapist’s hand as it moves back and forth across the client’s field of vision. As this happens, for reasons believed by a Harvard researcher to be connected with the biological mechanisms involved in Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep, internal associations arise and the clients begin to process the memory and disturbing feelings. In successful EMDR therapy, the meaning of painful events is transformed on an emotional level. For instance, a rape victim shifts from feeling horror and self-disgust to holding the firm belief that, “I survived it and I am strong.” Unlike talk therapy, the insights clients gain in EMDR therapy result not so much from clinician interpretation, but from the client’s own accelerated intellectual and emotional processes. The net effect is that clients conclude EMDR therapy feeling empowered by the very experiences that once debased them. Their wounds have not just closed, they have transformed. As a natural outcome of the EMDR therapeutic process, the clients’ thoughts, feelings and behavior are all robust indicators of emotional health and resolution—all without speaking in detail or doing homework used in other therapies.
Treatment Description:

EMDR therapy combines different elements to maximize treatment effects. A full description of the theory, sequence of treatment, and research on protocols and active mechanisms can be found in F. Shapiro (2001) Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing: Basic principles, protocols and procedures (2nd edition) New York: Guilford Press.

EMDR therapy involves attention to three time periods: the past, present, and future. Focus is given to past disturbing memories and related events. Also, it is given to current situations that cause distress, and to developing the skills and attitudes needed for positive future actions. With EMDR therapy, these items are addressed using an eight-phase treatment approach.

Phase 1: The first phase is a history-taking session(s). The therapist assesses the client’s readiness and develops a treatment plan. Client and therapist identify possible targets for EMDR processing. These include distressing memories and current situations that cause emotional distress. Other targets may include related incidents in the past. Emphasis is placed on the development of specific skills and behaviors that will be needed by the client in future situations.

Initial EMDR processing may be directed to childhood events rather than to adult onset stressors or the identified critical incident if the client had a problematic childhood. Clients generally gain insight on their situations, the emotional distress resolves and they start to change their behaviors. The length of treatment depends upon the number of traumas and the age of PTSD onset. Generally, those with single event adult onset trauma can be successfully treated in under 5 hours. Multiple trauma victims may require a longer treatment time.

Phase 2: During the second phase of treatment, the therapist ensures that the client has several different ways of handling emotional distress. The therapist may teach the client a variety of imagery and stress reduction techniques the client can use during and between sessions. A goal of EMDR therapy is to produce rapid and effective change while the client maintains equilibrium during and between sessions.

Phases 3-6: In phases three to six, a target is identified and processed using EMDR therapy procedures. These involve the client identifying three things:
1. The vivid visual image related to the memory
2. A negative belief about self
3. Related emotions and body sensations.

In addition, the client identifies a positive belief. The therapist helps the client rate the positive belief as well as the intensity of the negative emotions. After this, the client is instructed to focus on the image, negative thought, and body sensations while simultaneously engaging in EMDR processing using sets of bilateral stimulation. These sets may include eye movements, taps, or tones. The type and length of these sets is different for each client. At this point, the EMDR client is instructed to just notice whatever spontaneously happens.

After each set of stimulation, the clinician instructs the client to let his/her mind go blank and to notice whatever thought, feeling, image, memory, or sensation comes to mind. Depending upon the client’s report, the clinician will choose the next focus of attention. These repeated sets with directed focused attention occur numerous times throughout the session. If the client becomes distressed or has difficulty in progressing, the therapist follows established procedures to help the client get back on track.

When the client reports no distress related to the targeted memory, (s)he is asked to think of the preferred positive belief that was identified at the beginning of the session. At this time, the client may adjust the positive belief if necessary, and then focus on it during the next set of distressing events.

Phase 7: In phase seven, closure, the therapist asks the client to keep a log during the week. The log should document any related material that may arise. It serves to remind the client of the self-calming activities that were mastered in phase two.

Phase 8: The next session begins with phase eight. Phase eight consists of examining the progress made thus far. The EMDR treatment processes all related historical events, current incidents that elicit distress, and future events that will require different responses

USEFUL REFERENCES

https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/
https://www.healthline.com/health/emdr-therapy#effectiveness
https://www.verywellmind.com/emdr-for-panic-disorder-2584292

BOOK

Self-Administered EMDR Therapy: Freedom from Anxiety, Anger and Depression

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Administered-EMDR-Therapy-Freedom-Depression-ebook/dp/B00G239MV2

SOME USEFUL VIDEOS

Theory

EMDR Therapy: Understanding Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_ORTtqrm9o

Demo

EMDR Therapy Demonstration: Phases 1-8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6UvKhLYf7w

Success Story

My EMDR Story - An EMDR-Therapist's personal EMDR Story
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFSmVQpMxA8

Failure Story

Why EMDR Doesn't Always Work | Kati Morton
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkkD-U1-36M

Self Administered

EMDR Self Administered with 528Hz Harmonics
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DALbwI7m1vM

How To Self Administer EMDR Therapy

https://emdrhealing.com/how-to-self-administer-emdr-therapy/

USING THE COST OF POOR QUALITY (COPQ) TO CALCULATE THE ROI ON COACHING

USING THE COST OF POOR QUALITY (COPQ) TO CALCULATE THE ROI ON COACHING

The Cost of Poor Quality (COPQ) is the costs that would disappear if systems, processes, and products were perfect. Every time work is redone, the cost of quality increases.

COPQ allows an organization to determine the extent to which its resources are used for activities that prevent poor quality, that appraise the quality of the organization’s products or services, and that result from internal and external failures. Having such information allows an organization to determine the potential savings to be gained by implementing process improvements.

COPQ could therefore be used to calculate the Return on Investment ROI of coaching and/or mentoring where it supports the development of people, processes and performance to address these failures.

There are four categories of Quality Costs to consider in COPQ. These are as follows:

Internal Failure Costs
External Failure Costs
Appraisal Costs
Prevention Costs


INTERNAL FAILURE COSTS

The first type of COPQ is Internal Failure Costs. These costs are incurred to remove defects discovered before the product or service is delivered to the customer. These costs occur when the results of a work fail to reach design quality standards and are detected before they are transferred to the customer.

Internal Failure Costs can include:

Waste: Performance of unnecessary work or holding of stock as a result of errors, poor organization, or communication
Scrap: These are defective products or material that cannot be repaired, used, or sold
Rework or rectification: It refers to correction of defective material or errors
Failure analysis: It is an activity required to establish the causes of internal product or service failure


EXTERNAL FAILURE COSTS

The second category of COPQ is External Failure Costs. External Failure Costs are incurred to remedy defects discovered by customers. These costs occur when products or services that fail to reach design quality standards are not detected until after they were transferred to the customer.

External Failure Costs can include

Repairs and Servicing: The sub category relates to both returned products and those sold in the field
Warranty Claims: These are the failed products that are replaced or services that are re-performed; under a guarantee or warranty
Complaints: It refers to all work and costs associated with handling and servicing customers’ complaints
Returns: It relates to handling and investigation of rejected or recalled products, including transport costs


APPRAISAL COSTS

The third category of COPQ is Appraisal Costs. Appraisal costs are associated with measuring and monitoring activities related to quality. These costs are associated with the suppliers’ and customers’ evaluation of purchased materials, processes, products and services to ensure that they conform to specifications.

Appraisal costs can include:

Verification: It refers to checking of incoming material, process setup, and products against agreed specifications
Quality audits: The activity assures that the quality system is functioning correctly
Supplier rating: It is an assessment and approval of vendors of products and services


PREVENTION COSTS

The fourth category of COPQ is Prevention Costs. Prevention costs are incurred to prevent or avoid quality problems. These costs are associated with the design, implementation, and maintenance of the quality management system. They are planned and incurred before the actual operation.

Prevention Costs can include:

Product or Service Requirements: These are the costs incurred related to the establishment of specifications for incoming materials, processes, finished products, and services
Quality Planning: The expenses incurred for the creation of plans for quality, operations, production, and inspection
Quality Assurance: The cost related to creation and maintenance of the quality mechanism
Training: The costs associated with development, preparation, and maintenance of programs


COPQ CALCULATIONS

The quality costs, under COPQ, are calculated to assign a value to some defects produced by a process. This may look at direct raw material cost, people’s time cost, indirect costs (heat, light electricity), forgone profit. If you sell tins of beans a compelling metric is how many extra tins of beans you need to sell to fund the waste.

USEFUL REFERENCE

COPQ: What Does Your Inefficient Process Cost You?
https://blog.masterofproject.com/copq/

COACHING GREATER EXPECTATIONS AND HIGHER PERFORMANCE

COACHING GREATER EXPECTATIONS AND HIGHER PERFORMANCE

A coach, manager or leaders expectations can affect the performance of their teams.

The first psychologist to systematically study this was a Harvard professor named Robert Rosenthal, who in 1964 did a wonderful experiment at an elementary school south of San Francisco.

The idea was to figure out what would happen if teachers were told that certain kids in their class were destined to succeed, so Rosenthal took a normal IQ test and dressed it up as a different test.

It was a standardized IQ test, Flanagan's Test of General Ability, he says. But the cover we put on it, we had printed on every test booklet, said 'Harvard Test of Inflected Acquisition.'

Rosenthal told the teachers that this very special test from Harvard had the very special ability to predict which kids were about to be very special that is, which kids were about to experience a dramatic growth in their IQ.

After the kids took the test, he then chose from every class several children totally at random. There was nothing at all to distinguish these kids from the other kids, but he told their teachers that the test predicted the kids were on the verge of an intense intellectual bloom.

As he followed the children over the next two years, Rosenthal discovered that the teachers' expectations of these kids really did affect the students. If teachers had been led to expect greater gains in IQ, then increasingly, those kids gained more IQ, he says.

But just how do expectations influence IQ?

As Rosenthal did more research, he found that expectations affect teachers' moment-to-moment interactions with the children they teach in a thousand almost invisible ways. Teachers give the students that they expect to succeed more time to answer questions, more specific feedback, and more approval: They consistently touch, nod and smile at those kids more.

It's not magic, it's not mental telepathy, Rosenthal says. It's very likely these thousands of different ways of treating people in small ways every day.

APPLYING SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGY TO THE WORPLACE

People respond to praise or criticism whatever their age and a shift from command and control telling (which is often met with defence or resistance) toward a more coaching and collaborative style (which encourages the team-member to come up with ideas and take responsibility for the problem) can and does work in the workplace.

It can be very hard to control your own thinking, values, beliefs and assumptions and the inevitable impact that they have on other people. This is why coaches, leaders and managers need coaching. Even psychotherapists need psychotherapy before they can practice so as to be able to manage their own thinking and remain objective when working with clients.

If you want to more towards a coaching approach a good first step would be to find a coach, mentor or buddy who can give you honest feedback. If you are able to record or video meetings and reflect on the play-back that can be really helpful. Ideally if you have an open dialogue with the team you can use 360 feedback to help everyone improve.

One of the significant elements of scrum is the use of self-coordinated teams and the emphasis on retrospective meetings at the end of each delivery phase to both look at improvements in product or service delivery, but more importantly about how the team worked and what processes or behaviours will improve team working in the future.

The great strength of this approach is that the proposed processes or behaviours can be employed in the next (2 weekly?) delivery phase allowing for rapid feedback, review and improvement providing constant learning and growth.

7 WAYS COACHES AND LEADERS CAN CHANGE EXPECTATIONS

Watch how each team member interacts. How do they prefer to engage? What do they seem to like to do? Observe so you can understand all they are capable of.

Listen. Try to understand what motivates them, what their goals are and how they view you, their classmates and the activities you assign them.

Engage. Talk with team members about their individual interests. Don't offer advice or opinions just listen.

Experiment: Change how you react to challenging behaviours. Rather than responding quickly in the moment, take a breath. Realize that their behaviour might just be a way of reaching out to you.

Reach out: Know what your team members like to do outside of work. Find both individual and group time for them to share this with you. Watch and listen to how skilled, motivated and interested they can be. This type of activity is really important for team members with whom you often feel in conflict or who you avoid.

Reflect: Think back on your own best and worst coaches, bosses or supervisors. List five words for each that describe how you felt in your interactions with them. How did the best and the worst make you feel? What specifically did they do or say that made you feel that way? Now think about how your team members would describe you. Jot down how they might describe you and why. How do your expectations or beliefs shape how they look at you? Are there parallels in your beliefs and their responses to you?

BODY MIND CONNECTION, MEMORY AND CHANGE

BODY MIND CONNECTION, MEMORY AND CHANGE

UNDERSTANDING MEMORY

I have done so much interesting reading (or audiobook listening) today. Learning about memory and how sometimes it is frozen and cannot be retrieved and other times it is reviewed and retold so many times that it changes with each telling.

Understanding this helps understand repressed memory and trapped feelings as well as false memory and healthy adult reflection allowing fragmented experience to become a story that has an ending from which we can move-on.

THE BODY MIND CONNECTION

Most people will appreciate that there is a body mind connection in so far as what you think has an impact on your body and what you do has an impact on your mind. This happens at so many levels.

There is the brain directing the activity of the hands and feet to make us mobile and gesture. And in the opposite direction we see, hear, smell, touch and tasks and it triggers thoughts and feelings.

There is also the effect of drink, drugs, fatigue of the body having an effect on the mind. And the effect of anxiety or stress on our motivation and physical abilities.

Mental toughness is often cited as a key for high performance in sport and yoga and mindfulness are often noted as physical exercise that bring mental control and a sense of mental wellbeing.

THE MIND AND OUR REACTIONS AND RESPONSES

Many people are familiar with the fight, flight or freeze instinctive reaction to fear as well as the sage advice to pause, take a deep breath, think and instead respond in a more controlled manner. This is so much easier said than done, but another great example of the body mind connection.

Learning from trauma and instances of PTSD there are cases where the fear of an event has triggered a physical response even though the event did not happen. For example a person who was so convinced that they were going to be run-over that they lost the control of the limbs despite not actually being injured.

There are also cases of phantom limbs where after amputation people still feel the limb even though it is not there.

There are also instances so traumatic that the mind simply cannot comprehend or recall the event even though the body is able to re-live and repeat the feelings of pain, sickness, fear. This combination of recurring feeling without remembered reason can be particularly challenging and distressing.

Freud noted peoples compulsion to repeat patterns as if seeking to address, complete and resolve the matter. I wonder if there is a parallel with Karma and the idea of re-living lessons until we have learned our lifes purpose and can move forward.

TRUE MEMORY AND AUTOBIOGRAPHICAL MEMORY

It is interesting that smell, hear, touch and taste can invoke really strong and vivid memories which may be really deep and a long time ago. And yet story telling is always a recent and edited memory. It may have happened 10 or 20 years ago but it was last retrieved, updated and made sense of many, many, many times since then.

The curious effect is that the story perhaps lacks some of the smell, hear, touch and taste detail because that has been over-typed and replaced by the new meaning, new interpretation, new telling.

By contrast the untouched memory in deep-freeze or denial is still perfectly preserved if only it could be accessed. In some cases access comes in the form or flashbacks and panic attacks, but without the controlling narrative to explain the story to bring it to a close or conclusion.

It is important to resolve not relive the trauma.

In these circumstances coaching or supporting the body mind re-connection carries significant responsibility to create a safe environment to help understand the events and let the necessary narrative emerge to end the story.

SAFETY IN BREATHING

The act of exhale helps the parasympathetic nervous system- breathing out helps us calm. Especially if we have a long pause before the next inhale. This allows us to access thoughts and feelings which may be distressing but within a body and a context which feels calm and safe.

In this environment we are better able to respond rather than react, to explore and understand rather than panic or rage. I wonder if is it this that makes yoga and mindfulness such powerful tools for coping with stress and the ability to accept thoughts and feelings without experiencing those thoughts and feelings.

THE RHYTHM OF DANCE

It seems that regaining control over your mind often starts with retaining some control over your body. As well as yoga and mindfulness, Pilates, martial arts and even dance can also help reconnect us with ourselves.

A NEW TRIBE

Doing things, in a safe group, is a great way to reconnect with yourself and the world. Veterans seem better able to connect with their feelings when in a group with those of similar experiences. This is natural, we all have a sense of belonging to some form of family, community, gang or tribe.

Ironically (and perhaps sadly) that running back to the familiar can be dysfunctional. Victims will often return to their abuser. Even rats will habitually return to a familiar home irrespective of how safe and secure that place is.

The challenge in these circumstances is to build a new home, find a new community, create a new group to belong to. This is why reformed alcoholics and drug abusers are often only able to turn their lives around when they leave old friends and bad habits for new groups and healthier pastimes like running: - sometimes replacing one obsession with another albeit healthier passion.

USEFUL REFERENCES

The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma
https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

The Peter Attia Drive Podcast
https://peterattiamd.com/

THE GENTLE ART OF ASKING INSTEAD OF TELLING

REFLECTIONS FROM THE BOOK HUMBLE INQUIRY THE GENTLE ART OF ASKING INSTEAD OF TELLING EDGAR H. SCHEIN

Humble Inquiry The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling EDGAR H. SCHEIN

IMPROVE COMMUNICATION

How can we do better? The answer is simple, but its implementation is not. We would have to do three things: 1) do less telling 2) learn to do more asking in the particular form of Humble Inquiry and 3) do a better job of listening and acknowledging. Talking and listening have received enormous attention via hundreds of books on communication. But the social art of asking a question has been strangely neglected.

HOW DOES ASKING BUILD RELATIONSHIPS?

Telling puts the other person down. It implies that the other person does not already know what I am telling and that the other person ought to know it. On the other hand, asking temporarily empowers the other person in the conversation and temporarily makes me vulnerable.

ASKING QUESTIONS BUILDS TRUST

Trust builds on my end because I have made myself vulnerable, and the other person has not taken advantage of me nor ignored me. Trust builds on the other persons end because I have shown an interest in and paid attention to what I have been told. A conversation that builds a trusting relationship is, therefore, an interactive process in which each party invests and gets something of value in return.

ARE WE TOO TASK DRIVEN?

We also live in a structured society in which building relationships is not as important as task accomplishment, in which it is appropriate and expected that the subordinate does more asking than telling, while the boss does more telling that asking. Having to ask is a sign of weakness or ignorance, so we avoid it as much as possible.

Humble Inquiry is the skill and the art of drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you do not already know the answer, of building a relationship based on curiosity and interest in the other person.

ASK QUESTIONS THAT BUILD RELATIONSHIPS AND BREAKTHROUGHS

Asking for examples is not only one of the most powerful ways of showing curiosity, interest, and concern, but alsoand even more importantit clarifies general statements. A timely open question is sometimes all that is needed to start effective problem solving.

When the choice is between you or me, look for a way to explore us, the relationship itself. Ask an open question to get information that you need (a question that is not answerable with just a yes or no).

THE POWER OF ASKING RATHER THAN TELLING OR QUIZZING

Humble Inquiry is not a checklist to follow or a set of prewritten questionsit is behavior that comes out of respect, genuine curiosity, and the desire to improve the quality of the conversation by stimulating greater openness and the sharing of task-relevant information.

DIFFERENT FORMS OF ASKING

1) Humble Inquiry

I do not want to lead the other person or put him or her into a position of having to give a socially acceptable response. I want to inquire in the way that will best discover what is really on the other persons mind. I want others to feel that I accept them, am interested in them, and am genuinely curious. Humble Inquiry does not influence either the content of what the other person has to say, nor the form in which it is said.

2) Diagnostic inquiry

What differentiates this form of inquiry is that it influences the others mental process. How did (do) you feel about that? (Feelings) Why did that happen? (Motives). What have you tried so far? (Actions) As innocent and supportive as these questions might seem, they take control of the situation and force others to think about something that they may not have considered and may not want to consider.

3) Confrontational inquiry

The essence of confrontational inquiry is that you now insert your own ideas but in the form of a question. When we talk about rhetorical questions or leading questions, we are acknowledging that the question is really a form of telling. You are tacitly giving advice, and this often arouses resistance in others and makes it harder to build relationships with them because they have to explain or defend.

4) Process-oriented inquiry

An option that is always on the table is to shift the conversational focus onto the conversation itself. I can humbly ask some version of What is happening? ( Are we OK? Did I offend you?) to explore what might be wrong and how it might be fixed. The power of this kind of inquiry is that it focuses on the relationship.

CULTURAL VALUES VERSUS CULTURAL REALITY

The most common example of this in the United States is that we claim to value teamwork and talk about it all the time, but the artifactsour promotional systems and rewards systemsare entirely individualistic. We espouse equality of opportunity and freedom, but the artifactspoorer education, little opportunity, and various forms of discrimination for ghetto minoritiessuggest that there are other assumptions having to do with pragmatism and rugged individualism that operate all the time and really determine our behavior.

THE MAIN PROBLEMA CULTURE THAT VALUES TASK ACCOMPLISHMENT MORE THAN RELATIONSHIP BUILDING

Many cultures are individualistic, competitive, optimistic, and pragmatic. We believe that the basic unit of society is the individual, whose rights have to be protected at all costs. We are entrepreneurial and admire individual accomplishment. We thrive on competition. Optimism and pragmatism show up in the way we are oriented toward the short term and in our dislike of long-range planning. We do not like to fix things and improve them while they are still working. We prefer to run things until they break because we believe we can then fix them or replace them.

Most important of all, we value task accomplishment over relationship building and either are not aware of this cultural bias or, worse, dont care and dont want to be bothered with it.

We tout and admire teamwork and the winning team (espoused values), but we dont for a minute believe that the team could have done it without the individual star, who usually receives much greater pay

SOMETHING TO LOOK OUT FOR DURING THE ELECTORAL CAMPAIGN

We still live in a culture of what Stephen Potter so eloquently described in the 1950s as gamesmanship and one-upmanship.To be an effective gamesman or lifeman, Potter notes, one must know how to win without actually cheating or practice the art of getting away with it without being an absolute plonk. In pre-election debates we only care who won and often base that decision not on who did the best analysis of the issues but who looked most presidential in front of the cameras and who turned the best phrase or made the most clever put-down.

The world is becoming more technologically complex, interdependent, and culturally diverse, which makes the building of relationships more and more necessary to get things accomplished and, at the same time, more difficult. Relationships are the key to good communication good communication is the key to successful task accomplishment and Humble Inquiry, based on Here-and-now Humility, is the key to good relationships.

THE IMPORTANCE OF TEAM BUILDING

We know intuitively and from experience that we work better in a complex interdependent task with someone we know and trust, but we are not prepared to spend the effort, time, and money to ensure that such relationships are built. We value such relationships when they are built as part of the work itself, as in military operations where soldiers form intense personal relationships with their buddies. We admire the loyalty to each other and the heroism that is displayed on behalf of someone with whom one has a relationship, but when we see such deep relationships in a business organization, we consider it unusual. And programs for team building are often the first things cut in the budget when cost issues arise.

OBSERVE. REACT. JUDGE. INTERVENE.

What comes out of our mouth and our overall demeanor in the conversation is deeply dependent on what is going on inside our head. We cannot be appropriately humble if we misread or misjudge the situation we are in and what is appropriate in that situation. We must become aware that our minds are capable of producing biases, perceptual distortions, and inappropriate impulses. To be effective in Humble Inquiry, we must make an effort to learn what these biases and distortions are. To begin this learning, we need a simplifying model of processes that are, in fact, extremely complex because our nervous system simultaneously gathers data, processes data, proactively manages what data to gather, and decides how to react. What we see and hear and how we react to things are partly driven by our needs and expectations. Though these processes occur at the same time, it is useful to distinguish them and treat them as a cycle. That is, we observe (O), we react emotionally to what we have observed (R), we analyze, process, and make judgments based on our observations and feelings (J), and we behave overtly in order to make something happenwe intervene (I). Humble Inquiry is one category of such an intervention.

The problem....

We see and hear more or less what we expect or anticipate based on prior experience, or, more importantly, on what we hope to achieve. Our wants and needs distort to an unknown degree what we perceive. We block out a great deal of information that is potentially available if it does not fit our needs, expectations, preconceptions, and prejudgments.

Perhaps the clearest examples of this are the defense mechanisms denial and projection. Denial is refusing to see certain categories of information as they apply to us, and projection is seeing in others what is actually operating in us.

REFLECT MORE AND ASK YOURSELF HUMBLE INQUIRY QUESTIONS

In our task-oriented impatient culture of Do and Tell, the most important thing to learn is how to reflect. We wont know when it is essential to be humble and when it is appropriate to tell unless we get better at assessing the nature of the situation we are in, what the present state of our relationships with others is, and, most important, what is going on in our own head and heart. One way to learn to reflect is to apply Humble Inquiry to ourselves. Before leaping into action, we can ask ourselves: What is going on here? What would be the appropriate thing to do? What am I thinking and feeling and wanting?

If the task is to be accomplished effectively and safely, it will be especially important to answer these questions: On whom am I dependent? Who is dependent on me? With whom do I need to build a relationship in order to improve communication?