REFLECTIONS ON COACHING STYLES AND STRUCTURE

There are many,many different styles and schools of coaching and I am enjoying reading and learning about all of them.

As a coach following the ICF credentials path I am struck how narrow the ICF approach is. I realise the reality is ICF offer a great structure and standards from which a coach and develop their own style and blend of approaches, interventions and resources, and that initial structure necessarily needs to be simple for the novice. What I find interesting is talking to people at more advanced levels of PCC and MCC who effectively dumb-down their coaching and constrain their approach for the purposes of ICF credentials.

Many of the peple work with as Supervisors , Mentors or Colleagues have deep expertise in a variety of areas include clinical psychology, psychotherapy, neuroscience which I believe have lots of tools, templates, techniques, training and teachings that I think would be useful to Coaching.

COACHING AND THERAPY

Take for example Imago therapy. Imago therapy, or Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) is a specific style of relationship therapy designed to help conflict within relationships become opportunities for healing and growth. The term imago is Latin for "image" and, within IRT, refers to an "unconscious image of familiar love."

Or Family Therapy. Family therapy is a type of psychological counseling (psychotherapy) that can help family members improve communication and resolve conflicts. Family therapy is usually provided by a psychologist, clinical social worker or licensed therapist.20 Sep 2017

By virtue on the word Therapy in the title this is out-of-bounds for coaches. Coaching is not Therapy. ICF are clear on this and offer guidance "New ICF Resource Helps Coaches Understand When and How to Refer Clients to Therapy" Indicators include [1] Marked changes in mood such as irritability, anger, anxiety, or sadness [2] Decline in performance at work or school [3] Withdrawal from social relationships and activities [4] Changes in weight and appearance, including negligence of personal hygiene [5] Disturbances in sleep (either oversleeping or difficulty falling or staying asleep) [6] Expresses hopelessness or suicidal thoughts

Clearly there is a need to refer to a specialist if you believe someone may be in imminent danger of self-harm or hurting another person. But every-day joy, sadness, anger, frustration and anxiety is part of the human condition, not mental illness. As such I believe there is scope to support people who are going through a tough time, and if necessary making a referral if the circumstances suggest that is what is best.

Taking this balanced, but vigilant approach, means that there is scope within coaching to use some concepts from Therapy.

I won't expand on Imago Therapy here, but I am interested in this and Systems Thinking and Family Therapy because relationships, understanding them and making the best of them is a key part of life, whether at home, in hobbies or at work.

Read more
https://www.verywellmind.com/imago-therapy-4172955
https://coachingfederation.org/app/uploads/2018/05/Whitepaper-Client-Referral.pdf
https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/family-therapy/about/pac-20385237

COACHING SCOPE IN CONTEXT

In coaching it is important to understand the Person, Role and System

You should consider;
The clients personality;
The clients life story;
The clients skills, competencies, abilities and talents;
Their aspirations, progression and future aim;
Their workplace and environment in which they perform;
Their current organisational role.

This may therefore include coaching, teaching, mentoring and consulting in different measures according to the needs and desires of the client. This however ostensibly strays from the ICF narrow path where Coaching is not mentoring (sharing experience) or training (sharing knowlege) or consulting (asking questions) or teaching (offering resources). It seems to me that what ever benefits the client is worthwhile and provided the emphasis is on the client needs or aims this is OK provided provoking awareness does not becomes telling them what to do.

Recommended Book
Executive Coaching Systems-Psychodynamic Perspective by Brunning, Halina

COACHING HORIZON

Necessarily a lot of ICF coaching for assessment purposes seems to be formulaic 30 minutes of GROW and a speedy attempt to demonstrate all the ICF Core Competencies

The GOAL is the end point, where the client wants to be. The goal has to be defined in such a way that it is very clear to the client when they have achieved it.
The current REALITY is where the client is now. What are the issues, the challenges, how far are they away from their goal?
There will be OBSTACLES stopping the client getting from where they are now to where they want to go. If there were no Obstacles the client would already have reached their goal.
The options then need to be converted into action steps which will take the client to their goal. These are the WAY FORWARD.

Competency 1: Demonstrates Ethical Practice
Competency 2: Embodies a Coaching Mindset
Competency 3: Establishes and Maintains Agreements
Competency 4. Cultivates Trust and Safety
Competency 5. Maintains Presence
Competency 6. Listens Actively
Competency 7. Evokes Awareness
Competency 8: Facilitates Clientgrowth

The problem it seems to me is that in reality it is hard to support complex difficult change in 30 minutes, and if the change that the client is seeking is not in some way complex or difficult then they are unlikely to need a coach! I honestly feel that for real-life problems coaching can take an hour, and sometimes a series of sessions each building on the next. There is plenty of scope for progress and breakthroughs without the necessity for a eureka moment at 29 minutes. Coaching is not a process with a half-time score or a penalty shoot out at the end!

CONCLUSION

Despite the limitations of ICF Coaching style and structure there is much to commend it. My criticism is only possible because there is a style and structure to comment upon. Without this there would be chaos and indeed a lot of coaching in the world today is unqualified chaos. The ICF is keen to remedy this an I applaud and support that effort. I believe the ICF Core Competencies provide a good foundation and the ICF Code Of Ethics are a minimum standard.

The challenges for me, and others on the ACC, PCC, MCC path is to build upon these foundations rather than see them as the goal.

MY RESOURCES

My Blog Adapt Coaching
https://adaptcoaching.blogspot.com/

My ICF Reading (I have read more since and welcome suggestions)
https://adaptcoaching.blogspot.com/p/icf-course-reading.html

A small selection of my Coaching Conversations (which I need to update!)
https://adaptcoachingconversations.blogspot.com/

ThinkingFeelingBeing.com - Philosophy, Psychology, Coaching and practical solutions for everyday Life, Work, Home and Purpose
Follow On LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/company/thinkingfeelingbeing/
http://thinkingfeelingbeing.com/

USEFUL REFERENCES

ICF Core Competencies
https://coachingfederation.org/core-competencies

Introducing The ICF Team Coaching Competencies
https://coachingfederation.org/team-coaching-competencies

ICF Code Of Ethics
https://coachingfederation.org/ethics/code-of-ethics

GETTING THE SIMPLE STUFF RIGHT (eat, sleep, excercise, drink water)

 GETTING THE SIMPLE STUFF RIGHT

A great talk today by a good line-up of speakers. For those that could not attend the 11am session here is what I recollect from the talks which may be useful practical advice.

Sleep

Set yourself with good sleep with plenty of fresh air an exercise in the day and no stimulants (coffee, alcohol, smart-phone) late in the evening. Got to bed early and sleep for 7-9 hours (depending on age and circumstances). Good sleep means memomies and lessons are learned and filed from right-brain to left-brain. If you don't sleep you don't learn and you make bad decisions.

Nutrition

You are what you eat. Eat garbage and you are not doing yourself much good. But life is meant to be fun. There are around 21  meals in the week (more if you eat little and often) so its ok to have 'fun food' but just make sure that it is the minority and the majority is fruit, veg and roughage.  Eat right for your age and circumstances (bodybuilders have different requirements from book collectors).

Exercise

Try and so 20mins x 3 times per week. A bike ride or walk to the shops or work count. Of course higher performance is better for the body, brain, wellbeing but burn-out and exhaustion is going too far!

See the list of speakers for professional advice
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/healthy-habits-for-the-new-working-world-tickets-150162450933#

This reminds me of something I shared in Jan 2020 BC (before covid!)

BE A BETTER YOU – 6 STEPS AND 3 QUOTES TO BE THE CAPTAIN OF YOUR SHIP

Step 1>> Don’t start worrying about the stress on your mind until you have sorted out the foundations like: Have you drunk enough water; had enough sleep; ate the right foods; done some exercise etc.

Step 2>> Find the time, some time for just you. It may be at dawn, lunchtime, dusk, when caught in a queue or a traffic jam, but find some time to “check-in” with yourself.

Step 3>> Have routine tasks and get these done so that your chores are done and you are free to think about important things rather than urgent things.

Step 4>> Meditate. If you have done all the above you are in a good state to be mindful, reflective, meditative.

Step 5>> Relationships. Make time to spend time with the right and important people.

Step 6>> Life. Get all the above more or less right, an repeat each day, for the rest of your life making tiny improvements each day.

Read more here
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/better-you-6-steps-3-quotes-captain-your-ship-tim-hj-rogers/

WHAT WE BELIEVE IS WHO WE ARE

People are as varied and complex as the relationships they have. This may go without challenge since it is not unreasonable to suggest the role, approach, style, tone and manner you might adopt may be different with family, friends, work colleagues, officials and people you do not know.

Whilst some people say "I treat everyone the same" and this may seem reasonable in the context of integrity and authenticity the reality is that you will probably treat a 5 year old differently to your boss.

If our different personas, personalities, approached [what-ever you choose to call them] is a function of history and focus (past experience, present bias and future want) as well as context (time, place, circumstance) as well as the relationship (spoken, unspoken and assumed) then we have a very complex situation.

We make the complex simple by classifying and categorising things: work-mode, hobby-mode, home-mode or happy-me, sad-me, grumpy-me or excited-me.

What is interesting in the coaching process (in a safe and confidential environment) is unpacking those classifying and categorising and examining them. Moreover even a small change in one element from the list above (bias, context, relationship) can have a profound effect on the whole person (thinking and feeling) and such change may effect being and doing.

So how do we stop the unravelling: How do we maintain some consistency that forms identity. On the one hand it is obvious that the 40 years-old person is not the same mind, body, experience, hopes or dreams as their 5 years-old self. But somehow they are the same person.

The answer appears to be the stories we tell ourselves and then live-out. What we choose to keep or delete from the past, what we embellish or discount not ony change our circumstances and future, but they change our recollection of the past and its significance (even if they don't change the chronological events ).

Reflection and coaching are very powerful tools for change.

THE 10 COMPONENTS OF A THINKING ENVIRONMENT

 THE 10 COMPONENTS OF A THINKING ENVIRONMENT – NANCY KLINE

The quality of everything we do depends on the quality of the thinking we do first

The quality of our thinking depends on the way we treat each other while we are thinking

The ten behaviours that generate the finest thinking, and have become known as The Ten Components of a Thinking Environment, are: Attention, Equality, Ease, Appreciation, Encouragement, Feelings, Information, Diversity, Incisive Questions, Place.

1. Attention: listening with palpable respect and genuine interest, and without interruption
2. Equality: treating each other as thinking peers; giving equal turns and attention; keeping boundaries and agreements
3. Ease: offering freedom from internal rush or urgency
4. Appreciation: practising a 5:1 ratio of appreciation to challenge
5. Encouragement: giving courage to go to the cutting edge of ideas by moving beyond internal competition
6. Feelings: allowing sufficient emotional release to restore thinking
7. Information: supplying the facts; recognising social context; dismantling denial
8. Difference: welcoming diverse group identities and diversity of thinking
9. Incisive Questions: removing untrue assumptions that limit our ability to think for ourselves well
10. Place: creating a physical environment that says back to people, ‘You matter’

Source:
https://www.resultcic.com/Downloads/resources/Kline_10_Components_of_a_Thinking_Environment.pdf


ATTENTION
Attention is an act of creation

The quality of our attention determines the quality of other people’s thinking. Attention, driven by the promise of no interruption, and by respect and interest in where people will go with their thinking, is the key to a Thinking Environment. Attention is that powerful. It generates thinking. It is an act of creation.

Attention: listening with palpable respect and genuine interest, and without interruption

EQUALITY
Even in a hierarchy people can be equal as thinkers

In a Thinking Environment everyone is valued equally as a thinker. Everyone gets a turn to think out loud and a turn to give attention. To know you will get your turn to speak makes your attention more genuine and relaxed. It also makes your speaking more succinct.

Equality keeps the talkative people from silencing the quiet ones. And it requires the quiet ones to contribute their own thinking. The result is high quality ideas and decisions.

Equality: treating each other as thinking peers; giving equal turns and attention; keeping boundaries and agreements

EASE
Ease creates; urgency destroys

Ease, an internal state free from rush or urgency, creates the best conditions for thinking.

But Ease, particularly in organisations and through the ‘push’ aspect of social networking, is being systematically bred out of our lives. if we want people to think well under impossible deadlines and inside the injunctions of ‘faster, better, cheaper, more,’ we must cultivate internal ease.

Ease: offering freedom from internal rush or urgency

APPRECIATION
The human mind works best in the presence of appreciation

In life we learn that to be appreciative is to be naïve, whereas to be critical is to be realistic.
In discussions, therefore, we focus first, and sometimes only, on things that are not working. Consequently, because the brain requires appreciation to work well, our thinking is often specious.

The Thinking Environment recognises the right ratio of appreciation to challenge so that individuals and groups can think at their best.

Appreciation: practicing a 5:1 ratio of appreciation to challenge

ENCOURAGEMENT
To be ‘better than’ is not necessarily to be ‘good’

To compete does not ensure certain excellence. It merely ensures comparative success. Therefore, competition between thinkers can be dangerous. It can keep their attention on each other
as rivals, not on the huge potential for each to think courageously for themselves.

A Thinking Environment prevents internal competition among colleagues, replacing it with a wholehearted, unthreatened search for good ideas.

Encouragement: giving courage to go to the cutting edge of ideas by moving beyond internal competition

FEELINGS
Unexpressed feelings can inhibit good thinking

Thinking stops when we are upset. But if we express feelings just enough, thinking re-starts. Unfortunately, we have this backwards in our society. We think that when feelings start, thinking stops. When we assume this, we interfere with exactly the process that helps a person to think
clearly again.

If instead, when people show signs of feelings, we relax and welcome them, good thinking will resume.

Feelings: allowing sufficient emotional release to restore thinking

INFORMATION
Full and accurate information results in intellectual integrity
Recognising our collective social context creates psychological safety
Facing what we have been denying leads to better thinking

We base our decisions on information all of the time. When the information is incorrect or limited, the quality of our thinking suffers. Whereas, accurate and full information provides the path to good independent thinking.

Similarly, dismantling denial is often the first step to independent thinking.

Information: supplying the facts; recognising social context; dismantling denial

DIFFERENCE
The greater the diversity of the group, and the greater the welcoming of different points of view, the greater the chance of accurate, cutting-edge thinking

Reality is diverse. Therefore, to think well we need to be in as real, as diverse, a setting as possible.

We need to be surrounded by people from many identity groups, and we need to know that there will be no reprisal for thinking differently from the rest of the group.

Difference: welcoming diverse group identities and diversity of thinking

INCISIVE QUESTIONS
A wellspring of good ideas lies just beneath an untrue limiting assumption
An Incisive Question will remove it, freeing the mind to think afresh

The key block to high-quality independent thinking is an untrue limiting assumption, lived as true. To free the mind, therefore, we need to know how to construct an Incisive Question, a tool of unbelievable precision and power.

Incisive Questions: removing untrue assumptions that limit our ability to think for ourselves well

PLACE
When the physical environment affirms our importance, we think more clearly and boldly
When our bodies are cared for and respected, our thinking improves

Thinking Environments are places that say back to people, ‘You matter.’ People think at their best when they notice that the place reflects their value to the people there and to the event.

And because the first place of thinking is the body, it needs to be in a condition that says to us as thinkers, ‘You matter’.

In these ways, Place is a silent form of appreciation.

Place: creating a physical environment that says back to people, ‘You matter’

Source:
https://www.timetothink.com/thinking-environment/the-ten-components/

THE IMPORTANCE OF VALUES AND RELATIONSHIP

 
THE IMPORTANCE OF VALUES AND RELATIONSHIP

Based on the feedback on an earlier article about culture I have been asked to write about creating high performing teams, and I suggested it wont be about "values". I somewhat brashly said; we do not expect a mission or vision statement from our family or friends, and we don't ask people their values and CSR activity when we join our hobby groups, sports teams or community groups.

That, of course, provoked some good challenge and so ahead of writing about creating high performing teams, I'd like to explain by views on "values".

Values by definition are "principles or standards of behaviour; one's judgement of what is important in life". I am not going to argue against the definition but I am going to debate the application, particularly how businesses publish them, staff recite them, and people hold them in high regard, but significantly ignore them.

Try this test, get your colleagues to recite the business mission, vision, and values, and then explain their own and see which is easier for them!

J.D. Meier has written a great article on "values" and gives examples of Amazon, Google, Microsoft and more. In the interests of brevity I won't repeat it but simply refer to it (See link below). These are great, but if Sam moved from Uber to Apple, or Google to Amazon, or indeed Microsoft to LinkedIn are we expecting Sam to change his values to fit-in with his current employer?

Maybe Sam comes from a different cultural background to Arden and Bergen, possibly a different religion, social-economic-group and education. Do we expect all these people to have exactly the same values in order to get along, as friends? Do we expect them to relinquish these values in favour of those of their employer in order to be productive colleagues?

Should we change our values like we change our clothes; different according to the circumstances? It is true that what is legal and acceptable today is very different to what was 10 years ago, 100 years ago and 1000 years ago. It seems sensible to update our principles or standards of behaviour accordingly. And I suspect experience of war, covid, birth and death and our own personal challenges may modify one's judgement of what is important in life.

So if every person has different values (according to culture, faith and experience) and every business has different values (even those providing similar products and services to the same consumers) what are the implications in-so-far-as they apply to "values".

If values and behaviours at an organisational level are important (for example in relation to Diversity, Equity and Inclusion) which values should we "accept" and which should we "reject". What are the implications for individuals or marginalised groups if their "values" don't match their colleagues or their company?

I fear that putting people in categories is bad, unless it is a category of one and you have 7 billon of them! I think success of humanity comes from diversity, about 300 million years of it! I can see why we like to simplify and codify things. Life is so much simpler when everyone is either a hero, victim or villain. It becomes messy if we embrace 16 personality types (MBTI) with different passions and interests. And more so if we also take account of all the other possible variantions.

The secret behind unifying factors, like values, is to make them so vague, so generic, that everyone can subscribe to them. Make them detailed and specific and suddenly you will see the internal divisions that exist in every religion or political group. So if values are sufficiently bland that they can accommodate everyone that has to be good for Diversity, Equity and Inclusion, but what does it say about values?

I will write an article about creating high performing teams, but I want to conclude by making a link to my starting proposition. I think what is key is relationship. You may have different priorities, interests and beliefs from your colleagues or team-mates. I am pretty certain every rebellious teenager has different priorities, interests and beliefs from their parents. I know different political and faith groups have diverging views. I don't think we need to be the same to be successful.  We don't need to impose a set of "values" we need a listening, accepting and learning relationship that helps us and others integrate, collaborate and perform, together.

Of course, you may not agree with my view. And that's my point. You dont have to. And I will accept you and listen to you, and learn from you nonetheless.

Brilliant Examples of Company Values
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/brilliant-examples-company-values-amazon-google-microsoft-j-d-meier/

FINDING YOUR OWN COACHING STYLE

 FINDING YOUR OWN COACHING STYLE

As a coach it is valuable to read widely to understand the breadth and depth of psychology, philosophy and humanity. This seems to be to be an essential pre-requisite  to understanding and supporting people, and meeting elements 3,4,5,and 6 of the necessary and sufficient conditions of  change, explored below.

For constructive change to occur, it is necessary that these conditions exist and continue over a period of time: (1) Two persons are in psychological contact. (2) The first, whom we shall term the client, is in a state of incongruence, being vulnerable or anxious. (3) The second person, whom we shall term the coach, is congruent or integrated in the relationship. (4) The therapist experiences unconditional positive regard for the client. (5) The coach experiences an empathic understanding of the client's internal frame of reference and endeavors to communicate this experience to the client. (6) The communication to the client of the coach's empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard is to a minimal degree achieved.

I have recently completed Person-Centred Counselling Psychology: An Introduction by Ewan Gillon and really recommend it. It has made me reflect on my own coaching style, values and beliefs as I progress beyond my ICF training into the real world of coaching and the many different views, philosophies as well as needs and expectations of the profession and our clients.

I found it really useful to compare and contrast the following, and consider which elements I am drawn to in my own style.

HUMANISTIC / PERSON-CENTERED COACHING

Key thinkers: Otto Rank, Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers, Viktor Frankl and Rollo May.
The goal of Person-centered coaching is to provide clients with an opportunity to develop a sense of self where they can realize how their attitudes, feelings and behavior are being negatively affected.

My inclination is towards the Carl Rogers' person-centered approach in the belief the people are not ill or broken and so they do not need diagnosis or direction. My experience as a coach is that they generally need the safety and space to explore their own thoughts and feelings. The judgement and advice of a coach is not helpful to people who may already feel judged, obligated, subjugated, directed, confused by family, friends, work, community or culture. No wonder people turn to mindfulness as an opportunity to remove oneself from the world and reflect.

However passively expecting people to 'work stuff out for themselves' by simply listening does not seem helpful. It is akin to watching a drowning person try and work out how to save themselves, without feeling the need to intervene. I think it is incumbent on the coach to offer tools, models, perspectives for the client to pick and explore what works best for them. For example taking a MBTI or Ocean-Big5 personality assessment may be enlightening for a client without being directive by the coach. As another example: thinking about relative priorities in the Life-Wheel (home, work, family, friends, health, career, spirit) can be thought provoking and informative without being prescriptive.

I am therefore inclined toward the experiential / existential approach which seeks to explore areas which the client indicates are important than to simply let the flow of conversation distract us from the rocks and depths that may be on the surface or hidden below. This intervention may be outside the norm of person-centered coaching and take queues from Psychodynamic coaching or Behavioural coaching without becoming a process of discussion, diagnoses, prognosis and prescription which is associated with making broken people fixed, ill people well or some judgement of normal.

PSYCHODYNAMIC COACHING

Key thinkers: Carl Jung, Melanie Klein, Alfred Adler, Anna Freud, and Erik Erikson.
The psychodynamic approach includes all the theories in psychology that see human functioning based upon the interaction of drives and forces within the person, particularly unconscious, and between the different structures of the personality.

I think it is wrong for the person-centered approach to ignore the subconscious.  It seems to me ridiculous to have a conversation entirely at a superficial surface level. Clearly the direction, content and dept of any conversation must be guided by the client. This is not a doctor-patient or teacher-pupil relationship, but one of equals in a positive relationship exploring thoughts, feelings, beliefs and behaviours of the person and their world.

The psychodynamic approach does have merit where it seeks to understand how past and present experience impacts current and future perception and growth. This however should be pursued as exploration of what is right for the client, rather than what is wrong according to the coach.

This may include consideration of dreams and their meanings (according to the client) or observation of defensiveness (Denial, Repression, Projection, Displacement, Regression, Sublimation, Rationalization, Reaction Formation, Identification with the Aggressor). This is about exploring perceptions, issues and options of the client not judgement or direction of the coach.

BEHAVIOURAL COACHING

Key thinkers: Albert Bandura, Steven C. Hayes, Ivan Pavlov, B. F. Skinner, John B. Watson, Montrose Wolf, Joseph Wolpe
This approach seeks to identify and help change potentially self-destructive or unhealthy behaviors. It functions on the idea that all behaviors are learned and that unhealthy behaviors can be changed.

Aristotle said: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” He is talking, far more eloquently than I ever could, about the value of repetition. However, clients are not lab-rats to be taken out of context and examined (reference to B. F. Skinner) or dogs who salivate when the bell rings for dinner (reference to Ivan Pavlov). So our approach to habit, routine, behaviour needs to be person-centered, but it woud be wrong to ignore the impact of culture, environment and circumstance on our reactions, behaviours and habits.

In reality any routine or habit proposed or prescribed by a coach to a client cannot be anything more than a suggestion. Whether or not this is accepted and practiced is entirely for the client. To that extent I see no harm in a coach suggesting options for the client to consider; it is part of being both a relationship and a resource for the client. This however has to be a conscious suggestion rather than an unconscious or sub-conscious one (reference Milton Hyland Erickson) unless the client has specifically agreed hypnotherapy.

EXISTENTIAL COACHING

Key thinkers: Sartre, Kierkegaard, De Beauvoir and Fanon.
Existential coaching emerged from existential therapy, which focuses on the human condition as a whole. The approach is informed by existential thinkers and is the only form of psychotherapy based in philosophy. Existential work looks at what it means to be an individual, how we can use our inner wisdom to resolve issues, and how we can view our struggles as inherently human rather than as dysfunction or defect.

This seems to me to be closely aligned to my comments above about experiential / existential variation on person-centered coaching. During the period of covid and lockdown 2020/21 many people have been reflective and philosophical and this can be valuable in the appraisal of self, goals and purpose. The key issue for me is that coaching should be practical and supportive to the client and go beyond the examination of 'here and now' which is important, but follow the clients pursuit of 'where next'.

CONTACT

If anyone is interested in this topic email me tim@adaptconsultingcompany.com I am happy to share ideas and guides on coaching and change for people, teams, projects and organisations.

Tim Rogers
MBA (Management Consultancy) & Change Practitioner
ICF Trained Coach IoD Business Mentor
https://www.adaptconsultingcompany.com/coaching-and-mentoring/


REFERENCES AND RESOURCES

https://mick-cooper.squarespace.com/new-blog/2019/4/2/carl-rogerss-core-conditions-are-they-necessary-and-sufficient

Rogers, C. R. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21(2), 95–103. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0045357

https://www.simplypsychology.org/client-centred-therapy.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychodynamics

https://www.rivier.edu/academics/blog-posts/an-introduction-to-behavioral-psychology/

https://www.simplypsychology.org/behaviorism.html

https://psychology.jrank.org/pages/229/Existential-Psychology.html

MY READING LIST AS A COACH

https://adaptcoaching.blogspot.com/p/books.html

YOU ARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE (AND 10 QUESTIONS TO TEST THIS)

 You Are What You Believe (and 10 questions to test this)

Great article by Taymour Qabazard

I have the following observations ...

The line ..we also tend to take on board other people's beliefs.. is interesting because we form ourselves in response to others. This starts from birth and continues throughout life. Where is and what is the boundary between my self and your self and to what extent is there no boundary at all but just a merge of thoughts, feelings and identity.

The line ...The truth has almost become veiled in layers of opinion... is also very interesting. Truth has changed with science, time. legislation and understanding. What was 'true' 1000 or 100 or even 10 years ago may not be true now. Moreover since our truth is based on imperfect perception, understanding, experience, judgement you and I can experience the same event and have very different throughs, feelings, judgements and memories of it leading to different truths. This is a point made by Qabazard...There never really is one reality...

Given the above I would challenge line ...Most of the time, our greatest fear is failure... I suspect it is not so much failure as judgement. What if we failed at something and nobody knows, sees or cares? But if our self-concept is based on how others judge, embrace or accept us, then clearly failure will have a very personalised impact.

I believe purpose and fulfilment  can be found where Qabazard suggests... visualize what exactly it is they want and maintain strong focus on their goal as they jump every hurdle along the way.. The point here is the goal and the attitude towards that goal rather than other people's judgement of it or you.

There is a real risk that in an effort to be normal or liked there is a race to the lowest common denominator which undermines the uniqueness of each individual, and the opportunities, challenges and growth that each can offer each other through dialogue, debate and striving. To what extend should we pursue happiness or contentment, if it is at the expense of discovery or growth? We can all sit in a cave and complain about the weather.

Qabazard acknowledges this...Confucius once said: "Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall" and further when he says we must take a ...conscious decision to change, we override the programming we have done for years..

For me the challenge is not limiting yourself by worrying what others think, but being robust and honest about what you think.  Really stripping that down to find something that is pure, passionate and purposeful and then pursuing that purpose.  Arguably that will bring far more social acceptance and self actualisation than the anonymity of other people's opinions.

Read the full article You Are What You Believe

http://www.positivehealth.com/article/mind-matters/you-are-what-you-believe

Qabazards 10 questions

• What's stopping me from achieving this goal?
• Where did this belief come from?
• Who gave you this belief?
• How do you feel about that person? Do you regard them highly and respect them?
• What does this belief do for you?
• What is this belief costing you?
• How will your life be different if you were to let go of this limiting belief?
• What concrete evidence do you have to back this belief?
• What is the positive intention behind keeping this limiting belief?
• How else can you satisfy this positive intention without relying on this limiting belief?

If anyone is interested in this topic email me tim@adaptconsultingcompany.com I am happy to share ideas and guides on process and change for people, teams, projects and organisations.

Tim Rogers

MBA (Management Consultancy) & Change Practitioner 

ICF Trained Coach IoD Business Mentor

https://www.adaptconsultingcompany.com/coaching-and-mentoring/