WHAT WE BELIEVE IS WHO WE ARE

People are as varied and complex as the relationships they have. This may go without challenge since it is not unreasonable to suggest the role, approach, style, tone and manner you might adopt may be different with family, friends, work colleagues, officials and people you do not know.

Whilst some people say "I treat everyone the same" and this may seem reasonable in the context of integrity and authenticity the reality is that you will probably treat a 5 year old differently to your boss.

If our different personas, personalities, approached [what-ever you choose to call them] is a function of history and focus (past experience, present bias and future want) as well as context (time, place, circumstance) as well as the relationship (spoken, unspoken and assumed) then we have a very complex situation.

We make the complex simple by classifying and categorising things: work-mode, hobby-mode, home-mode or happy-me, sad-me, grumpy-me or excited-me.

What is interesting in the coaching process (in a safe and confidential environment) is unpacking those classifying and categorising and examining them. Moreover even a small change in one element from the list above (bias, context, relationship) can have a profound effect on the whole person (thinking and feeling) and such change may effect being and doing.

So how do we stop the unravelling: How do we maintain some consistency that forms identity. On the one hand it is obvious that the 40 years-old person is not the same mind, body, experience, hopes or dreams as their 5 years-old self. But somehow they are the same person.

The answer appears to be the stories we tell ourselves and then live-out. What we choose to keep or delete from the past, what we embellish or discount not ony change our circumstances and future, but they change our recollection of the past and its significance (even if they don't change the chronological events ).

Reflection and coaching are very powerful tools for change.